The only reason I now take up writing a new post is because its been wayyyyy toooo long since I've actually scribbled here. Thing is, life , it seems, had a few surprises in store for me. And as all surprises go, some were good... some not so much. Far for me to play arbiter to things that have happened to me over the past few weeks, but the thing is, everything that is happening feels almost trivial. How so? It all started with my new years resolutions.....

Thing is, last year wasn't such a hot year for me. Personally. A few good things and one very good thing did happen to me... but I was more sad than happy. The whole urban angst routine, you may call it, but the truth is the whole pain thing got comfortable for me. I wrote poems on them, songs on them .... the whole works. The whole works, that is, till the Epiphany.

Don't ask me where it came from, don't ask me how. It just happened. Somewhere along the line, it just struck me that all I was was a whiny sob, no different from any of those million and a one teen angst rockers that have me cringing at their "pain". And worse still, my problems weren't big... maybe they were to me, but I'm a (touch wood and thank god for this) well provided for kid. Even though the source of a lot of my "sadness" was the fire inducing friction between the people who provided for me, and even though that fire, on a lot of occasions, burnt me too, I was in essence just a kid feeling sorry for himself. So it was time to turn my life around.

Such things are however, easier said than done. It was at this time, though, my grandpa came to my rescue. The fact that he was no more didn't matter. The importance of deeds came back to me. Something he'd done just before dying, more than ten years ago, now came back to help me, giving me the breathing space I had always wanted. Maybe this was how things were meant to be. Maybe this was some grand design to make my becoming more independent easier. This kind of reasoning may seem very egocentric, but for each person, he/she is the centre of his/her life; for them everything revolves around them, their existence. Aham Brahmasmi. And in spite of all its flaws, this reasoning made me feel more powerful, more in control of where I was heading. And that was a good thing. So through this churning of thoughts came a very cliched new year resolution:

I resolve to make this the year of change. I resolve to look at all my problems as potential sources of solutions. I resolve not to feel sorry for myself, and if inclined to do so, I will remember the horrors that so many more less fortunate people are facing. And finally, I resolve to make myself independent. I have gotten too big for the walls that protect me. It is time to step out into the real world and stop hanging onto some crazy idea that I'm still a kid. It is time to become........ (sighhhhh) an adult.

I think its clear now how I have resolved to trivialize the issues in my life. Well, not so much trivialize, as much as put into perspective. But it is happening. Will this actually turn my life around? Will it come back to bite me in the a**? I don't know. I guess I have to just wait and see. So here's wishing all the self pitying bastards and the rest of you a veryyyy latteee happy new year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Keeping my fingers crossed throughout..... :)