My recent hiatus from posting (though it is only two posts old) was due to a hectic summer internship I had this year (and yes I'm in the middle of it now). Hectic, though, was for all the wrong reasons. I think I spent most of my time observing life itself, which I find I now look at from near-detached third person point of view thanks to a secluded campus life. I also realize that my previous two posts were an attempt to be emotional in my writing since that was a time when, well, I needed an outlet.
This post will not be one like that. In fact this will contain no emotion whatsoever. Just a bland writing that will serve as a transition from where I started and where I now intend to go. The thing is, when I started out I wanted to bring to light a crush I had actually had for four years (no not the same one as the one in the first post ... to let the cat out the bag, this crush was on the girl in the second post). Though, the reason may seem childish enough, I did this hoping that this would help me get over this girl who I actually thought about 24X7 every day of those four years. After a stage of denial I had come to try to accept the fact that I could never woo the girl (did that sound crude?). But the thing is what the head accepts the heart doesn't, not on many occasions. And so now too, I wasn't willing to let go, simply because I felt that it would mean a wastage without consequence of four years. And even when I write this, there is a tinge of nostalgia, remembering a time I was so whole heartedly devoted to the thought of a person who never really acknowledged my existence.
Recent events however have changed that. Everyone goes through stages of darkness only to see a light shine on them from the most unlikeliest of cracks in the fabric of the universe around them. And so it happened to me too. Looking back on my previous posts now it seems like a lame attempt to live a past I did not want to forget. Now, that past is buried and shall rest in peace at the back of my mind. A cliched statement of living in the present and living each moment to the fullest always stuck out in my mind but never made sense. I've come to realize that realization itself must be accompanied by consent and approval of any tenet by the heart. Without feeling the statement you can never really claim to understand it. So I stand today enlightened to a small well known truth. Doesn't seem very special, right? But when I think about the large chain of events that brought about this final realization, it brings a smile to my face, a smile that rests, peeking out from behind a curtain, unsure of whether to hide or show itself, even as I write this. These chain of events continue today and frankly I don't care what happens at the end. A lesson is a lesson is a lesson for which I will live in gratitude.... forever.